(via eventhestrawberriesgetit)
Jarbles, I thought we talked about this. You are not gay. Quit tryin’ to prove otherwise, it’s just pissin’ me off.
Oh, hey there Glarckles, I see you made some new friends. Just wanna let you know they can’t protect you from me. Only black magic can and we both know you ain’t got the time to dabble with that dark magics. So, enjoy those uniformed bros, cause I’m still pissed.
Dear Klarble Bourbons, I don’t know what you’re crying about. I’m the one that had to watch Priest. Dry them sissy vampire tears, you are pissin’ me off.
Hey Klarbles, just wanted to send you this. I found it under the expressway here. Well, by found it I mean I borrowed it from the homeless guy I strangled earlier. I’d say he did a wonderful job with the shading, wouldn’t you?
Oh, wow. Oh, my God. Wow. I seriously can’t even - I mean, there are no words to describe what you’ve just done to me. I didn’t think it was even possible for you to ever NOT turn me on there Bourbons, but this? If I had a dick it would have run away to hide, let’s just get that out of the way. You look like the gayest, fatest little boy on the playground just had his Oreo’s taken away. Seriously, I might be - yeah - now I’m real pissed off.
Oh, hey there, buddy. Looks like you thrown’ them razor sharp eyebrows around like you was somethin’ special?! HUH?! You are lookin’ like a scrawny ass coked out violent karaoke offender here. Now, I ain’t sayin’ I don’t like it - but I don’t. Seriously, call Zach Quinto and get them eyebrows under control. The look of constant surprise ain’t workin’ for me. Control that facial hair Bourbons, it’s pissin’ me off.
Oh, hey there Klarbles. I was just wondering what you were pointing at there. I mean, if you’re giving me directions I don’t really need them. No, I didn’t get that new Iphone I mentioned in that twenty page long “how yah doin’? it’s been a while.” letter I sent you last week. I don’t need directions because I know that area of your general anatomy like the back of my hand. Seriously, I spend an inordinate amount of time looking at it, and thinking about it, and making pacts with the devil to one day be all up on it. So, you know - thanks for the help, but I don’t need it. Also, quit sending me mixed signals here. You want me to respect the restraining order or not? Cause it looks to me like you aren’t to sure about that. I’ll be seein’ you Bourbons, and you can bet I’m still gunn’ be pissed off.
Klarbles, it’s been a while. Look, I was just wondering what the hell you were doing eating in the bathtub. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad you are naked, but the fact that you are also eating in a large tub of water is kind of giving me mixed feelings about this. If you drop that food in there it is going to get all soggy and wet - that’s fucking disgusting. Then, every time I inevitably start picturing you naked I am going to also be forced to start thinking about soggy food. My therapist says this isn’t your fault, but I disagree. I think this is entirely your fault. I don’t know if this is something you people do in New Zealand just because you don’t believe in having a dining room table and a bath tub separate from each other, but it’s really fucking with my perversions in regard to your nakedness. Seriously, fix it. You are pissin’ me off.
DON’T YOU LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT KLARBLES, I DIDN’T FORGET IT WAS YOUR BIRTHDAY!
So, even though you pissin’ me off, I guess this is to say: Happy Birthday, You Rider of Brohan.
PSYCH - FOOLED YOU BITCH, IT’S AUGUST 7TH!
